During my latest absence, I enjoyed a lovely vacation with my family. I was able to road trip to Chicago (with a pit stop in Michigan) with my parents and two younger brothers. While in Chicago, I spent Easter with my grandma, my cousin, all three of my brothers, and my parents. It was delightful.
After our road trip back to New Jersey, my parents and youngest brother hung around for a few days and explored my tiny university town with me.
One day we went to the zoo, and I thought it’d be fun to share some of my favorite shots from the day. It should be pretty clear which attraction was my favorite.
Lately, I’ve felt like I’m a little bit in a rut. I feel like I’m just going through the motions every day and not really connecting with things anymore. This is unfortunate.
I don’t mean to say that I’m not excited about things. In class just last night, I was intrigued by an idea posited by a classmate and began to formulate the argument for a paper I want to write about it (not for class, just for fun because I’m interested in it). It’s not that things don’t excite me or that I’m no longer passionate about pursuing English, I just feel … I don’t know … stuck. Like I want a change, to get out more. Perhaps this has to do with my previously discussed lack of transportation or the fact that there is so little to do in the small town I now occupy as opposed to the millions options available in Orlando or the fact that I’ve been imagining my life in all sorts of different (obviously more exciting due to sheer exotica) places while investigating PhD programs. I think, however, it more has to do with the fact that I no longer have someone by my side all the time. I’ve spent a lot more time on my own than I’m used to, and as an introvert, I’m feeling a bit baffled that losing the physical proximity of those relationships has been so powerful. What’s a somewhat lonely introvert to do?
At least I have a few fun things planned for this weekend – a girls’ night with 3 friends on Thursday and a trip to NYC for a Broadway show on Sunday. Hopefully all that activity will get me over this anxiety and isolation and out of this rut.
I have never procrastinated so much in my life. I think.
Anyway, it’s become almost as bad as a Facebook addiction: constantly checking it, updating it, adding to it, sitting and staring waiting for someone to post something interesting.
I’ve found that whenever my brain needs a serious break, I wind up on Pinterest (usually building my virtual perfect closet, but also collecting way to many silly Harry Potter jokes and quotes about books).
Anyway, if you’re interested, follow me. I’d love to have you.
I started packing my apartment today. I’m not moving for another six days, but I know the next week is going to be crazy at work. Lots of early mornings and long shifts aren’t exactly conducive to speedy packing, so any head start I can get now is going to be a big help. I’ve been a little bit on edge the last few days – about pretty much everything. I’ve got a lot going on, some big changes coming, and a bit of resistance starting to well up. I’ve been so ready for this whole change, my move, starting grad school, everything, but as it draws nearer and nearer, I’m starting to realize that I may not be as ready as I thought I was. I have so many attachments here in Orlando. Some of them I’m not ready to let go of, and as I realize that time is ticking faster and faster, I seem to be clutching on stronger. I guess I never considered just how deep my Orlando roots are. It’s surprising after only four years, but I have a lot in this city – a lot that I want to pack and take with me but I can’t.
I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that some of my attachments are stronger than I thought they were, stronger than I intended them to be, stronger than I think I’m ready to admit.