A picture is worth 1000 words.

And, I have two to share with you today.

First, this little saying made me stop and think when I came across it this afternoon:

This one, though not technically a picture, describes my current situation in life:

The things I ponder.

Should I cut my hair? Yes, that is the focus of my thoughts right now, not my presentation at 4:00, not my PhD applications, not my reading… nothing.

Just bangs and whether or not I should get them.

This is the image that haunts my thoughts:

So pretty right? But should I do this? Seems a bit drastic. It’s difficult to bounce back from full on bangs. I haven’t rocked straight across my forehead bangs since the fourth grade.

The good news is that I do not have easy access to a salon in order to spontaneously commit to this hairstyle any time soon. Guess I’ll just have to wonder for now.

Everything, everything will be alright.

Theme song?

I was planning on posting the official music video, but then I remembered it’s a little weird with lots of people in their underwear for no reason.  This version, while less professional, emphasizes the lyrics which have hit home for me lately.  Enjoy.  The song sums up my mental state right now.  It’s a good thing.

I love how music can do that sometimes, express everything I want to in so few words, so few minutes.  Moments and occasions like that, when a song just really fits, you know, make me believe that we are all more connected than we think.  As a student of literature, I know it’s true.  We all share the same basic drives and desires.  I’m re-reading The Diary of Anne Frank before teaching it to my eighth graders at the end of the week, and I realized today just how powerful shared emotion can be.  How can a teenager’s words written years ago continue to inspire and affect so many people so profoundly?  How can her experience, so removed from most people’s – from mine – help me understand my own life?

They remind me that there are others out there sharing my mindset.

It’s great to feel like I’m not alone.

Terrible twos and threes.

I’ve always heard that bad things happen in threes.  I hope this is right because I’ve had a pretty terrible week full of news topped off by terrible event #3, a car accident.  Car accidents have always frightened me, even the little ones.  Today’s was only my second bad one as a driver, and considering I walked away with nothing more than a slightly swollen and pretty painful knee, I hesitate to call it bad.  Anyway, they kind of terrify me.  The idea that we rocket around in these contraptions that can destroy us in an instant just chills me.  It makes me realize that life certainly likes to throw us around and see what we can handle.  Hopefully I’ve had my share of bad news for a while.  I’m honestly not sure I can take much more.  Talk about a sign…. Just when I thought life was going well, that I had finally figured out what I want, WHAM!  Maybe that’s taking things one step too far; I don’t know.  What I do know is that I feel like my whole life is going up in flames, like I can’t do anything right, like everything I touch ends up worse off.  This is not a great way to be feeling a day and half before my thesis defense.  This is, in fact, probably the worst way to be feeling.

I’m not sure that I’m processing things correctly right now.  I’m not sure that I’m processing things at all, to be honest.  I kind of feel like I’m just floating by, going through the terrible motions, counting the days before D-Day.

I know that I’ll make it through this somehow.  It’s what I do.   I will pull through and be okay in the long run.  It’s dealing with the short term that’s killing me right now.  It’s the right here, today, deal with this now kind of things that are taking a huge toll on my psyche.  My dad wisely told me today to lean on the people who care about me, to let them hold me up while I feel like falling down.  He’s right, and I plan to.  I am lucky.  I know that.