A lovely lunch.

After my last post, I’ve received a lot of encouragement, and I appreciate it probably more than most people know. I’m trying to go into this summer with big plans. I want to enjoy it. I want to accomplish things, and I want to be happy.

This weekend, my older brother came up to visit me, and we spent Saturday in New York City. It was fantastic – just the refresher I needed. I even got to try one of the places I’ve been wanting to hunt down.

A while ago, I wrote a post about my undying love for tea, and I received a lovely comment from Tea and Sympathy. They told me to come check out their spot in the city, and on Saturday, I finally did. It was lovely. My brother and I ate a delicious lunch, and the tea was to die for. So good. I also decided I want my kitchen to look just like the inside of their shop one day – teapots and teacups galore.

If you’re ever in Greenwich Village, I absolutely suggest you stop by. You will not regret it.

A nut in a rut.

Lately, I’ve felt like I’m a little bit in a rut. I feel like I’m just going through the motions every day and not really connecting with things anymore. This is unfortunate.

I don’t mean to say that I’m not excited about things. In class just last night, I was intrigued by an idea posited by a classmate and began to formulate the argument for a paper I want to write about it (not for class, just for fun because I’m interested in it). It’s not that things don’t excite me or that I’m no longer passionate about pursuing English, I just feel … I don’t know … stuck. Like I want a change, to get out more. Perhaps this has to do with my previously discussed lack of transportation or the fact that there is so little to do in the small town I now occupy as opposed to the millions options available in Orlando or the fact that I’ve been imagining my life in all sorts of different (obviously more exciting due to sheer exotica) places while investigating PhD programs. I think, however, it more has to do with the fact that I no longer have someone by my side all the time. I’ve spent a lot more time on my own than I’m used to, and as an introvert, I’m feeling a bit baffled that losing the physical proximity of those relationships has been so powerful. What’s a somewhat lonely introvert to do?

At least I have a few fun things planned for this weekend – a girls’ night with 3 friends on Thursday and a trip to NYC for a Broadway show on Sunday. Hopefully all that activity will get me over this anxiety and isolation and out of this rut.

City Mouse vs Country Mouse

I apologize for the long absence from posting. Graduate school and all….

Anyway, I’ve realized something about myself: I am totally a small-town America kind of girl. Perhaps it took living 20 minutes from New York City for me to realize this or perhaps it has something to do with the television I’ve been watching lately – aka, Gilmore Girls and October Road. Enter: Stars Hollow, CT and Knights Ridge, MA. Two of the most idyllic small towns I could possibly ever imagine. I want to live somewhere like that one day. I want to raise kids there. I want it to be a place where everyone knows everyone, where kids can play outside on their own without a danger of being kidnapped or run over by speeding cars, where people can walk home alone at night without fear of being mugged, where life is simple.

Knights Ridge, MA via October Road

It could be that these tv shows are putting false ideas in my head, but I believe towns like Stars Hollow and Knights Ridge exist. They have to. I just need to find one (preferably within 30 miles of a quaint little university in need of a medievalist).

Guess I’ll start my search here.

Reunions and catching up.

I’ve had several reunions over the last few days filled with moment after glorious moment of catching up.  I’m also busily trying to catch up on posting.  Strangely, I’ve found myself desperately looking for something to do all day for the last several days, yet I never updated.  Perhaps I came across nothing worth reporting: mostly true, partly false.  More likely, I was afraid of elevating my borderline I’m-becoming-a-hipster-status by blogging repeatedly from Starbucks while drinking tea and scoffing at all the typical coffee drinkers a la “Come on guys, get creative.  Coffee is so overrated.  I was drinking tea before it was cool.”

This is one of my favorites from her blog. Hopefully she doesn't mind my stealing and showcasing it.

Anyway, as I said, reunions and catching up have been on my mind.  I was recently reunited with a friend from high school, and I needed nothing more than an evening of chatting and swapping stories.  She is such a creative soul that I am endlessly amazed by her and her tales of life at art school.  This is such a crazy, uncertain, wild, and exciting time in both of our lives, and I felt refreshed to know that I am not the only one afraid of the unknown, terrified of facing the uncertain future.  She will do great things.  I believe it.

P.S. – Check out her blog for more wonderful illustrations: http://anacarmichael.blogspot.com/

I was also reunited with my boyfriend after his week-long trip to California.  He brought me the cutest little sourdough turtle from San Francisco, and it made me realize how much of my country I have yet to experience.  It is great to have him back in town and wonderful to see that he is so happy with what lies ahead.  Life is taking us both to so many crazy places, places I never dreamed of only a few short years ago.  It seems surreal that I finally have a plan for myself, that I can actually answer with more than a shrug when people ask me what’s next in my life.  It’s a return to some sort of stability, stability that I desperately needed in my life.

On that note, my path forward is still a little shaky.  It’s coming together nicely, but I am still patiently (or as patiently as I can) waiting for the last few pieces to come together.  Right now, I am crossing my fingers and toes waiting to hear back from the 2

Did I mention Seton Hall's mascot is a pirate?

graduate assistantships to which I applied last week.  I am throughly excited about both opportunities and would love the chance to prove that I can be a wildly productive and dedicated Pirate.  I am ready to make a name for myself on campus and want nothing more than the chance to expand my skill set through one of these assistantships.  The tuition waiver doesn’t hurt either.

More to the point, my life in New Jersey is still somewhat in the works, but my mom and I are ready to venture up there in a week and half.  I cannot wait to set foot on campus, to finally realize that all of this is real.  I have a meeting with my professor of interest who promised to show me around the English Department and to help me register for classes.  I have a self-guided campus tour planned in my head, apartment hunting jitters, and a full schedule for visiting New York City.  Can you tell I’m antsy to get there?  Can you?  Can you?

I am eagerly anticipating my visit to campus and to New York City which I have never visited.  My mom and I developed a list of places to see.  It’s quite ambitious, but I think we can handle it.  Well, it seems that my reunions and catching up have brought me to my waiting and planning.  Life is funny that way, just when we feel like we are falling behind, drowning in all the things we have already done, the future sneaks in and reminds us that life is beautiful.

Brick Walls

Sometimes things hit me like brick walls.  Some might call me oblivious; others, stupid.  But, case in point, my true emotions sometimes take a while to reveal themselves.  Today was one of those revelation-type days.  I finally received my official student number from Seton Hall, paid my enrollment deposit, and made everything incredibly, 100%, nonrefundably official.  I’m moving to New Jersey.

The more I say it lately, the more my heart starts to beat faster and faster.  Excitement.  Anticipation.  Eagerness.  Also, terror.  I will be on my very, very, very own for the very, very, very first time.  Ever.  I know a total of zero people in the Garden State, and the first half of this sentence pretty much sums up what I do know about that state.  I will be 14 miles from New York City which is exciting, yes, but I am not a city girl, not by any means.  I will also be hundreds to thousands of miles from everyone I hold most dear to me.  Yikes.  Talk about a revelation.

I think I am more excited than anything, and maybe once I make my soon-to-happen trip up there to my future home, I will feel less anxious.  Right now, all I know is that this major life change I’ve been dying for is starting to feel very, and I mean very, major.  I hope I’m ready for it; if not, I guess I’ll have to do my best.

Strangely enough, I have been wanting the chance to be 100% independent for a while now; however, as the biggest opportunity I’ve ever had stares me in the face, I can’t help but cower a little.  My boyfriend tells me often that he thinks I’m an incredibly confident girl.  Sometimes I wonder how he ever formed that impression of me.  I am confident in a sense, confident that life will work out the way it is supposed to in the end, but I am also scared of almost everything all the time.  I am scared to move away, far away.  I am scared to be on my own.  I am scared to be so close to a big city and afraid that I will miss out on a lot of experiences in the two short years I will call South Orange, NJ my home.

People tell me this is silly, that I shouldn’t be afraid of anything, that I always succeed.  I believe them.  I do, but I still have a tiny little voice in the back of my head whispering “What if you can’t handle it?”  I’m trying to ignore him, that little voice, but sometimes (like today) he gets the better of me and I am left wondering.

It probably doesn’t help that I’m still sick and feeling rather miserable today.  All I wanted was to snuggle up with a good book and a cup of tea, but a rather intimidating to-do list had me out and about all day.  Miraculously, I was ridiculously productive today: I went shopping, bought a new pair of jeans and a movie I’ve been dying to watch again ever since my first viewing, went to the bank, got my hair cut, applied for a summer nanny position, and sent in applications to 2 graduate assistantships at Seton Hall.  Holey moley.  Perhaps that’s what set this crazy train of thought rolling, all the moving around I did today.  Maybe it was the 97 degree weather, or maybe it was just me being crazy again.  All I can say is that I hope the incredibly confident Jessica my boyfriend seems to know comes back tomorrow.

On the upside, tomorrow is shaping up to be a pretty fantastic day: a friend of mine from high school whom I haven’t seen in almost 2 years is coming to visit for the night.  She’ll only be here for one night, and I’ll probably be wiped after a day of training, but I am beyond excited to see her!  Nothing like some good old catching up with old friends to restore my confidence and help me feel better.